Der Heckler

Wayne Flask: Author Translator Music Writer Public Annoyance

Il-Gaddazz kontra Allied Newspapers, Vol. 1

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Ftit tal-jiem ilu, fost l-orġja ta’ aħbarijiet ftit jew wisq relevanti li ssib fil-paġni tat-timesofmalta.com (biex inkun sinċier l-ammont ta’ aħbarijiet li qed jaslu permezz tas-siti, networks soċjali u Marija li tkun għand tal-ħaxix tant hu vast li Gaddafi jinkwetani inqas mill-prezz tal-karfus) kien hemm artiklu ċkejken dwar xi forma ta’ insett li huwa velenuż. Tgħidu intom, li ma kienx għal dak il-ġenju militari mpjegat ta’ l-AFM li n-nies jirreferu għalih bħala ‘suldat’, jew fl-ispeċifiku, is-suldat li kiel il-wirdiena u spiċċa l-ITU (sinjal li l-mara vegan jew timpana biss issajjarlu) ma konniex nitħajru nħarsu lejn dan l-artiklu.

Il-famuż Ġiljan Agius tah l-aptit jitnejjek naqra. X’kien? jistaqsu dawk li jafuh u dawk li ‘jafuh’. Iċ-ċajta tax-xahar t’April kienet kumment tas-sur Ġiljan dwar dan l-artiklu, xi ħaġa hekk:

Puma / Felis concolor

Image via Wikipedia

You people may think i am crazy but there were THREE occasions in which I saw a big cat roaming in the buskett groves and there are many other people who had the same experiences. I am not talking about big cat a la tiger or lion or jaguar, but rather a cheetah or puma sized cat. I was with my two daughters once and this huge cat suddenly crossed in front of us whilst we were on our bikes.

From the looks of it I am pretty certain that it is an escaped Puma, with its tawny colour and it also resembles the Puma logo from the sports outfit.
I don’t think that it will attack humans needlessly since it was probably an illegal pet and if it is a puma, it survives on small rodents and animals, but you never know. I’ve been sending emails and letters to the authorities for ages and now I plan to risk it all and spend a night in buskett in the hopes of glimpsing it and taking a picture.

Beware, people, beware!

Lanqas li ma tindunax li hu min hu dan l-individwu qed jitnejjek. Speċjalment frażi epika bħal “it also resembles the Puma logo from the sports outfit”. Kważi bdejt nibki bid-daħk x’ħin rajt it-tweġibiet ta’ xi nies li donnhom stħaw jgħidulu biex imur jaħdem jew xi ħaġa hekk. C. Caruana kitbet “A puma at Buskett… i find that a little far fetched…” filwaqt li wieħed K.Pace tefaħha fuq ix-xjentifiku. V.Falzon xammha minn mil il-bogħod u tefa ċajta ċkejkna li ma daħħket lil ħadd, “so first it was cheetah-size, then it was puma-size, then it was lynx-size. At this rate, it should diminish to ordinary moggie-size in no time at all :)”.

Iżda Ġiljan ma qatax qalbu, anzi:

I don’t think this is a matter to be mocked, for your information there is a species of lynx, the eurasian lynx, which can grow up to heights which are attained by the average puma (or cougar) so I don’t think that joking on the matter is helpful at all, Mr. Falzon.

I have heard this thing from other people who heard strange noises and saw a large-ish creature wandering about buskett whilst they were on a night hike so no, I don’t think that it is a moggie-sized cat we’re talking about.

Aktar:

The last time I saw it was in excess of a year ago, january or at the latest february 2010. It was the time that I was with my daughters on a Sunday family outing. The time was probably late afternoon cause the day was drawing to its close.

To date, I’ve never again ventured into the buskett areas, and my daughters won’t even hear of it. But as I was saying before, I really do plan to once again do an all nighter in buskett in the hopes of taking a picture of this much bigger than normal cat.

Personally I don’t think that it is such an otherworldly thing. There are rumours about people illegally keeping big cats and animals as ego boosting pets. Hell, a year or so ago a young tiger was even found in a Mosta building, so I am guessing that a feline such as a lynx or puma can be found in the house of an irresponsible owner whose irresponsibility stretches as far as to releasing the cat in the wild cause it bugged him.

mazzun

Il-mazzun.

Insomma, ippersevera minn hawn, żejjen minn hemm, u fl-aħħar il-mazzun bela l-lixka…

c. agius

Apr 7th, 22:50

This is not the first time I heard about this creature, on 2 different occasions from 2 prople who are in no way related to eachother (as far as I know)… To be honest I thought they were bluffing and never really took them seriously so I’m quite surprised to read this, especially cause the description matches perfectly….

The description matches perfectly?!? Ta’ xiex? Tintervjeni persuna oħra, ftit aktar ġenjali minn ta’ qabilha:

Kay Buttigieg

Apr 9th, 10:08

G. Agius — what you’re saying is improbable, but – oddly enough – not impossible! there used to be a big cat breeder in neighbouring Dingli (I remember he had made the papers
around 2002-2003 if ‘m not mistaken – he was arraigned for breeding big cats without a permit and even taking them for “walkies” – kien hareg illiberat ovvjament!). I don’t know if he is still active.

G. Agius

Apr 9th, 10:26

Thank you Kay!! I hope that that information will prove to be invaluable. I will personally go to the Dingli Police Station this week in order to try to get some information from the police officers working there. I really do hope that this person is not on the Facebook friend lists of important people though, cause if he is, we can probably bid a sad farewell to any serious investigation upon the matter.
If the need arises, I will also talk to some people from Dingli that I happen to know and inquire about this person and go talk to him seriously.

Thank you Kay Buttigieg!

Kay Buttigieg

Apr 9th, 14:47

Indeed. It stands to reason (unfortunately) that if one of his big cats would have escaped he wouldn’t have reported to the police because he doesnt even have a permit (if this is the person we are talking about) and could get into a lot of trouble again! And catching a socalled ‘big cat’ is no joke – they are big and crafty!

Timpressjonani l-faċilita li biha l-poplu Malti jibla kollox, inkluż li ser nagħmlu kampanja sabiex il-World Cup issir f’pajjiżna (x’demenza, meta smajtha kont għadni nqum, bil-lega safra m’għajn minnhom, mingħajr ma kont naf li kien l-ewwel t’April ukoll xraqt fil-kafe ara w aħseb immur niġri nikteb xi ħmerija).

Iċ-ċajta ta’ Ġiljan, fost id-daħk tal-klikka mażuni, komunisti u ġeneralment antipatki li jsegwu lil xulxin fuq il-Fejsbuk, waslet fi tmiemha.

Le ta.

Illum, dalgħodu stess, 14 ta’ April 2011, ħamest ijiem wara ċ-ċajta, ġurnalista tat-Times ċemplitlu għal aktar informazzjoni dwar dan il-puma. Risposta tal-Gaddazz:

Intom bis-serjeta blajtuha wkoll?!

Ma nafx ta’ min kienet l-idea ġenjali li jinkiteb artiklu dwar puma li qed idur il-Buskett, iżda ejja għal minuta nemmnu li l-ġrajja hija vera: kieku

malta-308

Ġurnata fix-xemx u ma sabu xejn: tat-Times kellhom iċemplu lil Ġiljan dwar il-Puma.

Ġiljan sar bacon ferm qabel ma seta jikteb dwar il-puma fit-timesofmalta.com, u li l-irziezet li hemm fil-qrib kienu jindunaw b’xi ħaġa. Skond il-ġurnalista tat-Times, il-qtates li hemm fil-qrib kienu jgħixu qisu xejn mhu xejn mal-kuġin/a l-kbira tagħhom. U passi kbar fejn hemm il-larinġ tal-President, li meta kont fl-iscouts kienu jgħidulna biex ma mmissuhx, ma kien jinstab qatt.

“Smajtha tiħmar minn fuq il-mobile,” tenna Ġiljan wara l-inċident. Biex inkun sinċier, qed nittama li fil-fond ta’ dan kollu, it-Times għandhom xi features editor nejjiek/a u li din il-ġurnalista qed tagħmel xi apprendistat u b’hekk kellha ċċempel lil Ġiljan għax qalilha ta’ fuqha. Għax kieku inizzjattiva indipendenti bħal dik tibda tħassibni serjament dwar il-klassi ġurnalista Maltija. Insomma, ili mħasseb dwarhom.

B’din naqta qalbi għal kollox.

Comments

  1. Markbiwwa says:

    Epika! Inkredibbli kemm hawn min jibla kollox, u agħar min hekk, kemm hawn domanda għal stejjer fil-midja Maltija mingħajr riċerka sura jew għall-anqas ftit sugu!

    Prosit Wayne u ovvjament kudos infinit lil Ġiljan!

  2. Jeanpaul Borg says:

    Din qisha tal-Manifest tal-Killer :D :D

  3. John Paul Cordina says:

    Is-sena l-ohra ktibt artiklu t’April Fools u cemplitli gurnalista tal-Independent ghal aktar informazzjoni… ma nafx, forsi l-affarijiet li jigru f’Malta tant iwaqqghuk f’koma li kull opportunita’ li tirraporta xi haga differenti tihodha…

    Wisq tajba din imma…

    1. Markbiwwa says:

      I’m assuming you’re the JP Cordina who writes on di-ve, in which case, your April Fools’ of this year, on porn, was quite simply incredibly good. Took a massive shit on what the Times thought would be oh so freaking funny….